Another Sleepless Night...

I couldn't sleep, again. So I was looking at memories on facebook and found a link back to my blog. I had forgotten all about it. So, this is my first post in about 5 yrs, or so. Update on my job, I now work at Home Depot, I have been there almost 2 years. I live in my own place again. A tiny studio apartment on the second floor. Still riding the bus to & from work. Anyway...

Just wanted to tell you all about the fun time I had on Tuesday night, after work.

The story started several months ago when I was listening to REO Speedwagon, on my phone, at work. My co-worker asked me what I was listening to and when I told her, that sparked a conversation about our favorite album by them and our favorite songs by REO. She was grinning all huge towards the end of our conversation and she said: "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you right now!" I asked why and she said that she wanted to go to the REO Speedwagon concert in September and wanted someone to go that loved the band, as much as she did! Would I consider going? I jumped at that chance and said: "Oh Yes!" So she said she would let me know how much the tickets were and then she would get them.

Several months went by and finally, September arrived. I asked Carolyn if she was able to get the tickets and how much did I owe. She said Yes, she got them and don't worry about the amount?!?!?!

So I told her that I would have the money that Friday. Her reply: "I'm just thrilled that you are coming with me!"

So, I got to go to the concert, had really good seats and didn't have to pay for them! The concert was so good! Tesla opened, they put on a good show but, they have a foul mouth! Then...

REO Speedwagon took the stage and sang from the heart! They still got it! Kevin Cronin is still entertaining to listen to his singing and the things he has to say! They didn't do my favorite song, In My Dreams, but they did a great selection of their hits. Guitars were awesome and the voices were great!

Take It On The Run - REO Speedwagon

After REO left the stage, work began for the next band Def Leppard. They were amazingly good! Even better live than they are recorded! It was awesome to see the guitarists play and the lead singer still sounded great! The highlight though, was getting to watch their drummer tear it up! He only has one arm but plays like a beast! Also, he plays barefooted! XD My kind of person right there! lol

Rock Of Ages - Def Leppard

Anyway, the concert started around 6:45pm and lasted until 11:20pm. At one point, everybody took out their cell phones to light up the venue! It was neat to see! We didn't get home until after midnight and I had to be up at 5 to get to work! I was very tired but it was so worth the lost sleep!!!

Well, that is all, for now. I will try to keep up on this thing in the future.

A Great Day

Had such a nice day yesterday.

Got up at 8, made breakfast, listened to my parents meeting, in Alamogordo, on the phone. Then got cleaned up & ready for service. Went out with Bros. Frazier, Otero & sis. Hubbard. I stayed out for 3 hours & then went to meeting. Excellent WT study.

As we were leaving the KH, Bro. Frazier asked me if I was in a hurry to go home. I said No. Then he asked me if I like pizza! To which I said YES! lol We went to Native NYer Pizza, met up with Bro & sis Price & their daughter & grandsons. It was such a nice evening together! Got home a little after 9.

So tired after a full day, was able to sleep & now I am getting ready for work.

Long time since I have posted here.

Let's see, here is an update on my life so far:

I still have my job at Goodwill & I still love it. My truck needed a new tranny, so I sold it for cheap & have been riding the bus a lot. I got my own apartment on the 3rd floor & I love it! Trying to get the medical insurance from the state again. Gathering the paperwork & whatnot for the change report.

Was way behind on Doctor Who, but I have now caught up & am waiting for new episodes.
I hope to be posting here more often now. So, Don't Blink!

*Hugs*

I Have A Job!!!

The job search paid off! I have been employed for a little over a month now. I work for Goodwill of Central AZ. My managers are great & I am liking my work. I get to talk to people everyday & see the "treasures" they find! I have several regular customers now who ask for me!

I still do not have internet so right now this is going out to you from the aromatic Starbucks that is not far from home. :o) I will try to post more frequently, but if I don't, please bear with me.

Never give up; Never surrender!

Busy Life...

Well, I haven't been online in a little over a week. Been keeping busy with the job search & studying. I called the manager of one of the places where I had an interview. It sounded very promising & the manager told me that I would definitely be hearing from her on the weekend. Well, it is now Tuesday evening & I still haven't heard from her, even though I called yesterday & left my phone number, you know, in case she lost it. *Sighs* Oh well, I guess I am still without employment.

In other news, my Uncle Ernie & Aunt Misty were evacuated from their home in Hereford, AZ because of the wildfire raging out there. So scary! The fire was visible from their back yard & the whole mountain behind them was in flames. I hope they can go back home soon.

In better news, I am excited about our vacation coming up next week! :o) We are going to California to go to the District Convention with my brother & his kids. We are all looking forward to this trip. I miss my bro. so much! Then we are going to go to the Grand Canyon! I have never been there, so this is exciting to me! I hope to take lots of pictures.

Speaking of pictures... I took a lot of pictures when we went to the Tempe Towne Lake & another lake that had a bunch of ducks & geese wandering about. I haven't uploaded them yet because my Photoshop program is not working. I uninstalled it & reloaded to no avail. It keeps crashing. I hope I can figure out the problem soon & get my pics posted on Flickr. Also, my Mac has something wrong with it, so I am accessing the Internet on my Toshiba Laptop, which doesn't have my pictures on it. I think that tomorrow I will get some of my pictures transferred over to this 'puter so I can post some of my better pictures here in my blog.

So, I will probably post another entry in a couple days.

The Job Search Continues...

I am still looking for the dream job to pop out of thin air & land right at my feet, but until that happens, I am looking intently for anyone that will hire me.

Friday, I went to a group interview at Guitar Center & I feel I made a good impression, but there was a guy there that I think will get the job because he has experience in selling guitars. >:( I say: "give the girl with a passion for beautiful instruments a chance!" Who's with me?  Seriously though, I did notice the main manager & the sales manager look at each other with a smile after I answered a couple of their questions.

Yesterday I put in 4 applications to 4 different locations of Starbucks. I don't know if they will consider me at all for that field. I think I would do great in it, once I got the routine down. I learn fast & I like working with people. In fact, I put that on the applications.

So, in closing, I'm great with children & I listen good. I view the preparation & presenting of meals as an artistic masterpiece to enjoy with the eyes & the palate. Does anyone want to hire me as their personal chef & shoulder to lean on?... Anyone..?

Job Search...

Bleh. One should get paid for searching for work! It is such a pain. Anyway, this is the first time I've had to do a job search. I have put in several applications to a wide variety of jobs & today, I received my first rejection letter! Wow! *claps deliriously* Yay Me!!! LOL

Now I need to focus on getting some more apps out there. I am working on one right now that I have to fill out by hand! *gasp* They didn't have an online one, I had to print it out & then I have to submit it in person. Yay...

So, I will let you all know when I finally get an interview & if I get a job. Hopefully it will be soon because my funds are running very slim right about now. *rolls eyes* Pitiful isn't it???

Wigging Out* Tonight

Feeling a bit nervous & out of sorts. I'm having to fill out a new Advance Health-Care Directive & I have no idea who to name as my Health-Care Agents. In my old congregation I knew exactly who to pick. One was my mom & the main one was my best friend, Ray, who was our service overseer.

I really am upset at myself for feeling so worried about this but, the brothers here don't really know me yet. A part of me wants to run back to NM where the congregation knows me & I know them. I feel like a lost scared little kid. This is completely illogical & irritating to be hit with these feelings.

It is a strange feeling to have a best friend whom I could tell everything, anytime, anywhere, someone who really knows me & loves me anyway & then in just a few months have no one like that here. In fact, I am closer to some of my "internet" brothers & sisters right now & that really scares me.

I'm hoping that aux. pioneering this month will help me to get to know my congregation here. I just know there are brothers, & sisters, who I can trust with my life if need be. I just need to find them. I need someone who can understand where I come from & who I am. I know Jehovah always provides exactly, No, he provides way more than what is needed. So I know he will help me find a friend sticking closer than a brother...


Thanks for listening to my ups & downs. Although lately it seems to be a lot of downs. Hopefully that will change soon. Love you all! (((Hugs)))


Footnote:

*Wigging out : Displaying irrational behavior usually brought on by stress and/or external pressures.

New Starts & Simple Delights...

So, as many of you know, I am no longer able to be a regular pioneer. This is my first month that I am not worried about meeting the requirements & you know, it is kind of a relief. I didn't expect that because in my heart I want to get back to the full time ministry as soon as possible, but for now, this is the time to step back, regroup & get myself strengthened physically so I can pioneer again.

I have turned in my application to auxiliary in April. I am aiming for the 30 hours. My sisters & my niece want to join me in that. We are all excited! I figure that this will give me a chance to get to know the congregation better & get into the groove here. I have my first talk in the school here, next Monday night. I am nervous & have no clue who my assistant is! lol I will be hunting her down on Sunday.

I am back on the medicines that help balance my mood & help control the migraines. So far, so good. No migraine since Friday. Yay! Hopefully that will continue to be the case. I'm also hoping that the meds will help with my anxiety, so I can get a job soon. Because right now, it ain't happening...

I got weighed at my doc appointment & I have lost another 4lbs since January. That is a total of 10.5 in the last 2 months! :-D The only down side of that is my jeans keep falling off & my belt is still packed in boxes somewhere.

I am hoping to get back to doing some artwork. I love to draw & I have missed doing it. I also want to spend some time doing photography. I love shooting sunsets, animals & just plain interesting things that catch the eyes. I want to capture the perfect Arizona sunset as I have already got the perfect New Mexico & the Texas ones. I also want to learn some new songs on my guitar that I can play with my niece & nephew.

My nephew is happy because I told him to get up early on Fridays & I will drag him out in service with me & my sis Gloria & possibly my niece too. Not only will that help him, it will help & encourage me too.

So, tonight I am looking on life with a positive slant. I have a supportive household, family that loves me & medicines to help me realize that life isn't as bad as it may seem sometimes. I am enjoying a bowl of frozen strawberries & blueberries, I have four kitties I can watch play & cuddle two of them. A Puppy that loves me unconditionally & a computer with all my friends inside.

So, I will close this here & head to bed but first, I am hugging my computer so all of you can know that I love you guys & cherish your friendship. *Hugs*
Good Night!

Conflicting Thoughts & Emotions...

I don't know if this is bugging me more now that my anti-depressant medication has run out or if just my situation has brought this on, or a combination of both...

My heart is breaking at the thought of having to quit pioneering for a while, even though my brain knows I need to focus on getting my health better & gradually build myself up to pioneering again. The last 2.5 years I have struggled to make the hourly requirements & most of the time, I did not make it. I still had joy in the ministry but I felt bad for not doing as much as I used to when I started.

In my old congregation there was an extremely strong pioneer spirit & I wanted to be part of that encouraging force. I was able to encourage two younger publishers to join in pioneering & the congregation as a whole was able to encourage a few others to join us in our joyous work. I was at my happiest but still dying inside.

My background tells me that I am not worth anything & I should not be so happy. Life in general was pulling me down, tearing me apart. My home life was very difficult too. It got to where I knew I couldn't pioneer anymore, but I couldn't be at home. There were times that I took my Kingdom hall key, went to the hall late at night & slept on the couch on the stage, then I would leave really early before anyone came in for service. I just couldn't face being at home. I really didn't want to quit pioneering because I would have to turn in my key. That wasn't my only reason, but that is what I feared.

When my sister started showing signs of needing to get out of our home environment, my other sister & her husband stepped in & opened their home to us, at first I didn't want to go because of my congregation, my family, that I would be leaving behind. I prayed about it & talked with my sister about her feelings & we decided we would do better if we left.

We talked with our service group overseer & our service overseer, my best friend about our situation & what was available for us. Our buddy Ray, our service overseer, knows our situation & knows the pain in our hearts over our home life. He has even been there for me when I was sobbing & could hardly talk. He held my hand & cried with me. He truly knows me. He immediately said he thought it would be good if we got away, he asked some questions & then told me that if I need to quit pioneering for a while, there is no shame in that. The other brother is very dear too, but I don't think he really believed how bad things were at home, even so, he went ahead & agreed that it might be better to get away too.

So we packed up our stuff & moved to another state, another congregation, another life. Jehovah was helping us with our decision, everything was falling into place, but it still scared me to death. Within a month, my sister started improving in her mental state. Physically though, we were very sick. We caught a bug from our parents & we have been sick every since. I am getting over the national avg. but not near enough to keep pioneering.

I have been trying to get the state insurance program here & a doctor. In the process I am gradually running out of my medicines. Before I left home I was on an anti-depressant & anti-psychotic pills. I was having anxiety attacks & severe migraines. The two medicines together were taming both problems. Now I am just hanging here without my medication & both problems are back in full force. I keep having scary dreams & during the day I feel panicked inside & I want to run away. I have found myself crying for no reason, well, no reason that I am aware of. I have applied for a few jobs & one I even got an email telling me to come to a group interview, I haven't gone because I am scared to death! Those of you that know me, would know that working at Guitar Center is one of my dream jobs. Even with that, I can't do it...

Today I made an appointment for a doctor to see me, the soonest they could get me in is the 24th of this month. I have no money for this appointment so my brother & sister are paying for it out of the house repair money. I feel so bad about that, but really, what can I do??? I can't get a job until these stupid panic attacks are under control. I just hope I can get a job...

So, my heart wants to pioneer, my brains says I need to step back for a while & so does my body. I am missing my best buddy Ray & his wife Tory. They both have been there for me at my lowest & now I am without them... I'm scared.

I am praying to Jehovah to help me get through this & to rely on him when I am feeling alone & afraid. I am aiming to auxiliary pioneer in April along with my two sisters & my niece. I am hoping I can do it.

Anyway, I guess what I really needed to say is that I am scared & feeling alone & I need a hug. Okay, thanks for reading about my pain. I'm going to try and get some sleep now.